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 I learned something new this week. With botox numbers increasing daily, i wonder if people realize what exactly their injecting into their faces.

Botox is short for Botulinum Toxin.

Botulinus intoxication is another term for Botulism

Botulism n: pathology
a sometimes fatal disease of the nervous system acquired from spoiled foods in which botulin is present, esp. improperly canned or marinated foods.
Origin: botulism
1878, from Ger. botulismus (1878), coined in Ger. from Latin Botulus "sausage" + ismus suffix of action or stage. Sickness first traced to eating tainted sausage 

LOL tainted sausage... this sickness is right up my alley!

I typed Tainted sausage into google and this picture popped up. I'm not sure yet how i feel about it...

This past 2 weeks have been INSANE. I am back in school now along with everything I was already doing before and now I am questioning my own mental stability. HELP ME!!

No but for real though School is awesome, and Music is awesome too. I had a show this past Friday at the new venue in Baltimore, MD. "The Quarter @ Bourbon Street.  Once people realize how great this place is its gonna be the new hot spot no questions asked!  It is bigger than Fletchers Bar (which I love i'm not hating) but Smaller than The Recher Theatre in Towson (Which I also love..no hate here!!)

I finally have a street team who is gonna help me get my name out there so I wanna give a quick shout out to Angie Rad and Carly!! u know who you are!!  Anyway, I'll end this blog with a funny video since we're on the topic of sausages... if you liked or even heard of the yin yang twins "whisper song" you'll appreciate this clip...enjoy!

yin yang twins " whisper song"


It's Aspergers not ASS BURGERS!

 Leave it to me to be an idiot. 

I would be the one to hear "
Ass Burgers"  Well, it is "Aspergers"  

Just clearing that up. If you'd like to learn more about aspergers click on the link to wikipedia.  you can find anything on there!  


if you'd like to learn more about the volvo or the vulva click on the link provided. if u find something on wikipedia is it considered porn? I'm not sure, but that link makes me feel extremely uncomfortable.

Look at this cool hat!! I dont condone smoking in anyway but this hat is really creative.

My thoughts have been everywhere this week. I've never wanted to quit a job more than I do now. I am so tired of serving tables its not even funny.  Well, maybe a little.  Its kind of humerous when a party of 5 thinks its okay to tip me $2.88 on a bill that was $247.12.  Dont believe me? Well I saved the receipt and as soon as a get to a scanner I'm gonna post it on my blog.

I did everything for these ass clowns. they ran me like crazy. 

"Hey girl get me some more drinks. I want a singapore sling! 
"Ooo I want one too"

"may I see your I.D."
"Hey I need napkins"
"I already put them on the table for you"
"Well I need some wetnaps"
"ma'am Ive provided the table with hot towels they're right in front of you"
"oh, well I want some more of that free bread"
"ma'am I already put more on the table"
"Oh, well get me another singapore sling"
"What the f**k is a singapore sling!"

So I didn't yell that but know that it took every ounce of my strength to keep my composure and act professional.  I was so nervous when it was time to collect the payment because I heard them around the corner saying, "with a bill this high...hey... u guys need any forks for your kitchen? what about cups?" yes they were putting the forks and cups into their purses.  

"to get their monies worth" 

I gave the man his change back cause i refused to accept a 2 dollar and 88 cent tip.  He's like, "no honey thats for you"  

I said

"No sir, I dont want this... you take it back"


i'm done. holla.


P.S. i have a show coming up. its gonna be a awesome. you should come. 

Give me back that filet of fish!!

One of the most brilliant commercial tunes I've ever heard in my life.

I have never craved a filet of fish sandwich...EVER. I dont even like to admit I eat at that wretched place of financial wonderment.  But after hearing that catchy tune and not being able remove it from my sticky brain, I..Ruthe Charles, bought my first filet of fish sandwich...and... i liked it. 

What i didn't like was that my bank held that payment for over 8 days and screwed me up landing me in a downward spiral of overdraft charges. 


Now that I've gotten that out of my system..  I would like to talk now about what I mentioned last week.  I have an acquaintence of mine who, for some reason, revealed to me that he once had sex to the musical tune "sandstorm" and gave himself one of the most intense cramps he's ever had in his life.  

He regretted that decision...

...I laughed.

Then it made me think, What was he thinking?!? It just seems humanly impossible for someone to keep up with such a fast pace song.  Now I want to think of more songs that are a bad idea for that "act". If you have any other songs that you can think of send them my way. I would like to make a top ten list, but i need yo' help! holla at me!

For everyone who doesn't know the tune sandstorm i found a youtube clip below. I also listed two more songs I think are inappropriate for sweet lovin.

This video makes me laugh..click on it and you'll know why. The William Tell Overture

Flight of the Mutha Effin Bumblebee!!


My heart goes out to the homeless but Everyone has been in the situation where you question, are they homeless because there was just a bad turn of events? or are they homeless because they're just assholes.  


On my way to work this week I see a man begging for money for food.  There's a mcdonalds up the street from my job so i get him some stuff cause at the moment all I can afford to eat myself is food from the dollar menu.

As i'm walking towards him he gets this stupid look on his face and and the conversation below happens..

random guy: I hope those aren't hamburgers
me: they are, why?
random guy: because i dont eat meat
me: WHAT??
random guy: I'm on a strict diet
Me: strict diet?? are you serious!?!? 
random guy: well if you have the receipt you should go back and get me a salad or something else
Me: **complete silence** 
random guy: do you have the receipt!?
Me: dude, i'm late for work, here's your burgers and here's the receipt 

HOW ARE YOU ON A STRICT DIET?!? I just couldn't believe that had just happened...not even a thank you.

I really dont understand people sometimes and I also dont understand why people give a shit what cats eat. 

Its not like your cat ever takes a bite of its food and stops to compliment the savory beef flavor or the pomegranate sauce that was drizzled to perfection over the balanced dinner that looks better than anything i've eaten in the past 2 months. 
Stupid cats...stupid dogs...stupid stupid stupid. Dont get me wrong i really do love animals, i just get jealous when they eat better than I do.

I had meant to write about something completely different this week but once again last minute I got inspired to write about something else because of a commercial (fancy feast!).  So Next monday I will definately write about my original topic... "Songs that are a bad idea to have sex to"  Holla!!

here's a picture of a fat cat

This week was my big show @ the Recher Theatre in Towson, MD!

The Band Roster was as follows...
Beretta Jane
Skitzo Calypso
Storm The Beaches

Needless to say it was AWESOME!!! All of the bands gave it to everyone....hard!..and in all the right places! I had 3 eargasms that night and I was left wanting more! For this night in particular I told everyone that I had a surprise. My mom didn't even know what I had planned. Half way through my set Not only did my band bust out a cover of "Single Ladies"  but My little brothers joined me on stage to do a choreographed dance to the song. It went better than I could have imagined and The looks on peoples faces were priceless! Dont worry if you missed the show, As soon as I get the video you betta KNOW that its going to be on youtube faster than you can say "
I cant believe its not butter!"

Speaking of which...what ever happened to Fabio? Last I heard he got addicted to World of Warcraft and hasn't been seen for a few months... 

And I dont even think he likes butter anymore...


I cant wait till my next show and I cant wait till My next blog.  It is going to be very....lets just say...muy muy interesante!! 


P.S. here is a pic of me and my lil bros from the show courtesy of Kenn Chisholm


I feel like such a Ham

I feel like Such a Ham

I forgot to post a blog last week. After band rehearsal I was hanging out with the guys and It completely slipped my mind.  A thousand apologies! a thousand and a half?? I hope we can still be... friends.

So The other day while driving I was passing an unusual bit of roadkill.  Within a mile it went from an opossum, to a cat, to a raccoon, to a moose, the moose was a lie, to a squirrel.  Even though it always leaves a bad feeling to run over any helpless animal... I dont think anything can be worse than running over a turtle.  

 I had just learned how to drive and I was riding down a hill and heard POP... CRACK. I was like, "oh my gosh no..God no please dont let this be a turtle".  I got out of my car and sure enough there it was. I felt like such a killer.  It looked like a big smooshed skittle. Of course I cried, but nothing I could do would erase that noise out of my head.  So occasionally it'll come back up and i'll cringe and say a little prayer for him in
turtle heaven.

Who is more clean: a baby, a teenager or an old woman?

a question proposed by the instructor of my old life guarding class.  We were discussing mouth to mouth and being cautious. Everyone was like, "THE BABY!" "THE OLD LADY" I was like "hell no! not the old lady! She's had her time to get around the town and back again.  The point was to trust no one, everyone is diseased.  Its so true though, you just never know who's gonna give you the mutha effing clap.  



 I think my obsession with funny alternative names for body parts will never cease to amuse me.  The term "Brown Eye" is one of the funniest things I've ever heard in my life.  It has ruined popular classics such as "Brown eyed girl"  and inspired remixes to any song that has "eye" in it.  

My tween little sister was not too thrilled when I changed the Jonas brothers lyrics of "When you look me in the eye" to "When you look at my brown eye" 

I dont think I'll ever "grow up".  I feel like an 8 year old boy.  My mind is always in the gutter and I dont know what I can do to reverse it.  So I've decided not to even try.  

Recently I've been reading about dream interpretations because if you've read any of my last blogs you'll see that my dreams have been weirder than usual.  This week in one night I had 2 strange dreams.

The first one I was an FBI agent who had to question a blade of grass that had witnessed a murder.  I dug up the ground around it and had it in my hand.  Unfortunately the main suspect somehow got ahold of the grass blade and stepped on it.  

The second dream...I cant remember it cause I just saw Lil Kim on TV while i was typing. 

What happened to her face!?! I haven't seen her in a while, she's on dancing with the stars? Wow...i seriously cant remember what i was going to type now. Oh well.  To each his own I guess...I'm just a little confused.

Well now I'm completely lost as to what I had planned to write about so I'll post another picture.  

I'd give anything to know what was going on here.  
I'm trying to holla at the one in the blue though cuz He sexy as a muh' fukka!

3 girls 2 guys and a rice crispy treat...

 So There were 3 drunk college girls and 2 guys with dreads riding on the metro.  Sound like the introduction of a really bad joke? I wish it was.  I have to admit It was quite entertaining though. Not only did they try and impress the girls with their knowledge of alchohol (finding common ground a plus) but at the end of the conversation when the girls were clearly affected by their beer goggles and ready to jump outta them pants.. The main guy offered them rice crispy treats which he conveniently had a WHOLE BOX of in his bag. 

The girls declined...

I laughed...


Speaking of funny, the most random memories of my childhood are springing back up out of no where.  My brother once had a stretch arm strong doll. Dont remember what that is? well check out this vid to remind you.

It was the coolest thing ever.  Somehow though my brother managed to tear a hole in it to find the best present of all..the secret to Stretch Arm Strong.  The gooey substance of which stretch arm strong was made tasted like candy.  He shared the secret with me and we slowly devoured the christmas present.  Good thing it wasn't toxic! and yes, we got in big trouble for that.  I found out years later that many other kids found out the delicious secret too!

While searching for the stretch armstrong video a bunch of random videos for 70's commercials popped up and I watched them out of curiosity.  I realized that a lot of the toys or advertisements were either hilarious,creepy or borderline innappropriate.  I hope you enjoy. Peace!!

I kinda wish kid's imaginations were back to the way it was a while ago.  i love this video.


Would you hit that???

I Just finished watching the oscars and my heart is overhwelmed with happiness because Slumdog Millionare is one of the best movies I've ever seen in my life! If you have not seen it yet. Go Go Go! before it leaves theaters!


I don't remember anything I did this week. Its just one of those weeks where everyday flows right into the other one and 7 days just feels like one long boring day. I work too much and I think too much. Sometimes I wish I could empty my thoughts out onto a blank canvass so i could look at everything from another angle . That would be the weirdest painting ever.

Speaking of weird. My best friend sent me a picture of my
future husband. I did not agree to this and I would never marry this guy not for a million years.  Even if he were the last man on earth.  I want to know what she typed into Google to get that. 

Whatever she typed in, it made me wonder, "Is there a picture for everything on the internet?" Sometimes I think that certain pictures shouldn't be found or available.  My stomach is growling hard right now.  I'm so hungry I am going to stop this blog and go eat.  
Baby sandwiches anyone?

Another year...another case of VD

 No, I'm not talking about Venereal Disease I'm talking about Valentines Day. I've always hated it and that will never change.

I typed "Valentines Day throw up" into google images and this picture popped up


I thought it was perfect. Nothing says valentines day more than "Hairy" and "painful"

Love your woman or man everyday! Dont let some stupid day control when you do something nice for someone or take someone out!

Gosh. seriously. I need to stop being so angry.

I did have a bit of happiness this week though. Besides me convincing myself that I had a brain tumor and having to get a cat scan, the grammys were this week. That wasn't what excited me though. I personally think the Grammys sucked hard. The only good thing from that was the
M.I.A. performance. If you did not get a chance to see it or even know the circumstances...she was 9 months pregnant and due on the day of the Grammy's. She performed anyway and still rocked it. It inspired me completely. I wont let anything get in the way of what I want to accomplish!

She also posted this video on her blog. it made me laugh